Got this forward from Guru and could not stop laughing….Such stress buster ideas are needed to beat the odd bad day.
Don’t take that bad day out on someone you know, take it out on someone
you DON’T know…
Now get this. I was sitting at my desk, when I remembered a phone call I
had to make. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered saying,
“Hello?” I politely said, “This is Fred Hanifin and could I please speak
to Robin Carter?”
Suddenly the phone was slammed down on me! I couldn’t believe that
anyone could be that rude. I tracked down Robin’s correct number and
called her. She had transposed the last two digits incorrectly. After I
hung up with Robin, I spotted the wrong number still lying there on my
desk. I decided to call it again. When the same person once more
answered, I yelled “You’re an asshole!” and hung up.
Next to his phone number I wrote the word “asshole,” and put it in my
desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills, or had a
really bad day, I’d call him up. He’d answer, and I’d yell, “You’re an
asshole!” It would always cheer me up.
Later in the year the Phone Company introduced caIler ID. This was a
real setback for me; I would have to stop calling the asshole. Then one
day I had an idea. I dialed his number and when I heard his voice,
“Hello?” I made up a name. “Hi. I’m with the Telephone Company and I’m
just calling to see if you’d be interested in our caller ID program?”
“No!” he shouted and slammed the phone down. I quickly called him back
and said, “That’s because you’re an asshole!”
Keep reading this, it gets better!……..
A few days later I was driving into the local supermarket. An old lady
at the shopping center really took her time pulling out of a parking
space. I didn’t think she was ever going to leave. Finally, her car
began to move and she started to very slowly back out of the slot. I
backed up a little more to give her plenty of room to pull out. “Great”,
I thought, she’s finally leaving.
All of a sudden this black BMW comes flying up the parking aisle in the
wrong direction and pulls into her space. I hit the horn and started
yelling, “You can’t do that. I was here first!” The guy climbed out of
his BMW completely ignoring me. He walked toward the shopping center as
if I didn’t even exist. I thought to myself, this guy’s another asshole;
there sure are a lot of assholes in this world. Then I noticed he had a
“For Sale” sign in the back window of his car. I wrote down the phone
number. Then I hunted for another place to park.
A couple of days later, I’m sitting at my desk. I had just gotten off
the phone after calling 823-4863 and yelling, “You’re an asshole!” (It’s
really easy since I have his number on speed dial now.) I noticed the
phone number of the guy with the black BMW there on my desk and thought
I’d better call this guy, too. After a couple rings someone answered the
phone and said, “Hello.” I said, “Is this the man with the black BMW for
“Yes, it is.”
“Can you tell me where I can see it?”
“Yes, I live at 1802 West 34th street. It’s a yellow house and the car’s
parked right out front.”
I said, “What’s your name?”
“My name is Don Hansen.”
“When’s a good time to catch you, Don?”
“I’m home in the evenings.”
“Listen Don, can I tell you something?”
“Don, you’re an asshole!” And I slammed the phone down.
Then, I added Don Hansen’s number to my speed dialer. I must say, for a
while things seemed to be going much better for me. Now when I had a
problem I had two assholes to call. Then, after several months of
calling the assholes and hanging up on them, it just wasn’t as enjoyable
as it used to be. I gave the problem some serious thought and came up
with this solution:
First, I had my phone speeddial asshole #1. A man answered nicely,
I yelled “You’re an asshole!”, but I didn’t hang up.
The asshole said, “Are you still there?”
I said, “Yeah.”
He said, “Stop calling me.”
I said, “Make me.”
He said, “What’s your name, pal?”
So I told him, “Don Hansen.”
He said, “Where do you live?”
“1802 West 34th Street. It’s a yellow house and my black BMW’s parked
“I’m coming over right now, Don. You’d better start saying your
“Yeah, like I’m really scared, asshole!”, and I hung up.
Then I called asshole #2. Don Hansen answered, “Hello?”
I said, “Hello, asshole.”
He said, “If I ever find out who you are…”
“I’ll kick your ass.”
“Well, here’s your chance. I’m coming over right now, asshole.”
And I hung up. Then I picked up the phone and called the police. I told
them I was on my way to 1802 West 34th Street and that I was going to
kill my gay lover as soon as I got there. Another quick call to Channel
13 about the gang war going on down on West 34th Street… After that I
climbed into my car and headed over to 34th Street to watch the whole
Glorious satisfaction! Watching two assholes kicking the crap out of
each other in front of 6 squad cars, a police helicopter and a news crew
was one of the greatest experiences of my life!
Well, Now you know what to do if you have a really bad day !!!
I already have few numbers on my list …. and most probably those people will get such calls from me in near future.